***
The dawn breaks gloriously, bright rays of sunshine penetrating blindingly through the miniscule holes in the concrete-block windows. Howler monkeys sound their strangled "ooooah ooooah" cry from nearby, blending harmoniously with screeching rooster crows. It's 6:04am. Just another day in Paradise. You stretch at the thought of a new day and all its potential of simple pleasures that you now recognize with greater depth and appreciation because you are a Volunteer for peace. Today is especially bright because the Big Town is calling. It's an Agency day.
Coffee perculating perfectly over the steady blue gas flame, you rub your sleepy eyes and gaze at the abundant selection of stainged T-shirts heaped hazardously over the suitcase/closet. Goo!* Suddenly, the spotlessness of the day comes crashing down. There is nothing to wear.
Heart beating frantically with the surge of adrenaline, you attack the offending Pile with the zealousness of a crazed chicken clawing for a tasty bicho. The search reveals. Chaco's caked with foul-smelling, unidentified matter, zipoff pant/shorts stained with orangy campo mud, and an ultralight, sweat-wicking, bug-repellent-incorporated sports shirt torn and shredded by a Panamanian-style washing machine/electrocution device. The only vaina left unscathed by the elements is the swearing-in ceremony outfit, really only fit for a funeral. This will not do.
What to do? Before running off to the nearest payphoe to pedir from your parents a new wardrobe from the latest REI catalog, I ask you to consider Going Native. It's cheap, relatively easy, and FUN! Like, seriously, why remain in the 'gringo tourist' category after all the hard work of establishing yourself as the 'la gringa loca quien vive por alla'?
The benefits of Going Native are endless. Respect, for one. People start kissing your cheeck and saying, "ayja la machina, se ve muy bonita hoy." That's in addition to a ten-fold increase of requests to learn organic gardening and worm box techniques.
Entonces? Como puedo yo 'ir nativo'? Facilito, chiquillo. Below is an illustrated guide, complete with an easy-to-understand currency converter ($1 USD = 2.0 Cervesa Panama (CP)). Time to get glam. Cafe duran Frappucino!
That's 52 CP out of your monthly CP budget (estimated: 100 CPs/month). Not bad. Plus, everyone knows that the best accessory is that monte-slashin' figure you've earned. CPs spent on fashion frio y duro es vale la pena, and preserves your svelte figure from the damage of too many Panama bien fria. Chuleta! Time to hit up the almacenes.*Thanks, A. Sherm
